Erik Quinn: The Heart of a Family: Epidermis Profundus

Monday, December 29, 2008

Epidermis Profundus

I have thought long and hard about the cruel words that occasionally come my way. It's actually amazing they don't come more often, but 99.9% of the feedback I have ever received here has been positive. Maybe that's why it's so shocking to hear something negative. I could start a blog on casserole recipes or little stories about my cat and would expect more negativity. In the old days, I would have cried for two days. This time, there were no tears shed whatosever. Instead, the four ugly words followed me like obscene little ghosts as I went about my daily activities, but a glance over my shoulder reveals that they are beginning to vaporize. Knowing the way I think, I will likely never forget them, but they will get shoved in a box somewhere in my brain.

My skin doesn't feel very thick, but maybe I am making progress after all. If someone pokes fun at my son by calling him horrible names and it doesn't bother me, my guess is that there would be something incredibly wrong with me. I want thick skin, not gnarly calluses.

Right?

Of COURSE it will hurt my heart. However, I hope that with each passing year it gets a little easier to heal these types of wounds. That they will feel less like axe wounds and more like paper cuts. I have faith that it will be easier. Looking at my latest response, it is clear that it already has. I can hardly read what I wrote two years ago here, as my heart fractures into millions of pieces. I am enjoying life again. That's progress.

When I started this blog, I did it thinking I was just whispering my feelings into the darkness of the universe because, quite frankly, I didn't know what else to do or where to turn. Writing has always been a comfort to me ever since I could hold a pencil. To find out someone is actually reading my words and might even feel a little less alone, WS child or not -- well, that's comforting to me, too.

It's nice to be heard and have hands to hold. Thank you.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Tara said...

Love ya, Nance. You have no idea what your writings have done for me.!

1:35 PM  
Blogger Ava Jewel Leilani said...

Same here Nancy! You truly are a wonderful mom, friend, woman! I often read your blog outloud to my family, because the way you write just blows me away and you put into words so many things that I have felt and couldn't express them the way you do. Many thanks.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Auntie Dee~ta said...

I hope you truly know that I am always here for you and so is my hand!! And my left hook if need be, lol!

Love ya oodles and am so very blessed to have you as my sister-n-law and one of my closest girlfriends!

BIG Hugs,
Dawnita~
Give Erik a BIG Auntie Dee~ta hug!

9:24 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I hold onto your hands and your words so tightly...please don't ever underestimate the power of either. I am so grateful to know that you are always just a few clicks of the keyboard away.
xoxo

4:46 AM  
Blogger Noel said...

I too have to say that you have been such a great help for me. I think it will never be easy to hear such things out of the mouths of others. How could it ever be okay?
Thank you for holding my hand and being there to listen too.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Guanogirl said...

I love reading your blog. I actually aspire to have your level of epidermis thickness. It can be hard sometimes but it is nice knowing that other WS parents know how you feel. Still sucks we have to deal ,you are not alone.

5:06 PM  

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