Erik Quinn: The Heart of a Family: SHOUT

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

SHOUT

Two years ago today, my blog was born. Ironically, it was Mother's Day.

Two years is a dreadfully long time to keep an online journal, especially with what I spill here for the world to see. I have a love/hate relationship with this blog. It takes up my time and requires me to experience everything twice in order to put my feelings into words, which is less than pleasant sometimes. My friends and family members come here to read my thoughts, and that can be awkward at times; but, for the most part, they have let me do my thing without judgment. There are people I know who don't come here anymore because what I write makes them uncomfortable. Although I can see why they feel this way, I'm saddened by the fact that they prefer to know me superficially and remain ignorant of what my life is really like. Especially now that I have more good days than bad and there is a lot of joy to share here. I envy their choice to remain comfortable, as that's not an option for me anymore.

As you know, I was thinking of hanging it up on my blogoversary. Wrapping this up in pretty paper and putting it all away. For a time, I felt like I was writing the same stuff over and over, anyway.

Do you believe in signs?

I do.

I was sitting at the stoplight at an intersection in our neighborhood one day listening to music in my Jeep. I was alone and wasn't thinking about much of anything. What happened next is almost impossible to explain. I felt a voice somehow speaking to me. Actually, it seemed to completely surround me. It spoke just one word, and I could see somehow that the word consisted of all capital letters. My eyes widened behind my sunglasses, and I wondered if I had dozed off in the warm sun streaming through my window for a millisecond. Why I would hear this word in the car by myself thinking of nothing in particular is beyond me, but this occurred around a time I felt really discouraged about my writing. There it was in front of me. In all capital letters.

SHOUT

The traffic light turned green, and the voice instantly evaporated. I pressed my foot gently against the gas pedal, feeling as if I had seen a ghost. Maybe I had.

Two years out from that horribly emotional Mother's Day on which I fought constant panic attacks and lived one minute at a time with a wounded heart just one month after our diagnosis, I continue to write. I continue to look back and see my progress clearly documented. I continue to share Erik's story and the fact that although this journey is not close to easy or pretty, it is still possible. I continue to see that although life will never get easier, it will continue to evolve and change. The world didn't end the day we were diagnosed, and I will continue to expose myself this way a little longer. I will continue outside the boundaries of my own comfort zone.

I will continue to SHOUT.

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20 Comments:

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

I do not comment often but I check up on you everyday. So SHOUT away! Peace

8:04 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Shout, Shout, let it all out. Come on... I'm talking to you, come on!

remember that song? Man I'm getting old :) xoxo, Heather

9:18 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

I am so glad your not going away. I would miss you. Happy Anniversary!!

10:04 AM  
Blogger jbgrinch said...

Just keep on talking and others will listen and sometimes even help. I wish you all well and will continue to read. I think you are very brave to tell us what you see and how you live with WS.

10:30 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Nancy ~ I think that this blog has done more than you will ever know about not only WS, but also about what it must be like to be a mother of someone who has it. I know I have learned a lot about something I frankly had absolutely no experience or familiarity with prior to you posting on my blog and subsequently me to yours. You have had a profound impact on my appreciation of you as a woman and a mother. And even though you and I will never actually meet each other (other than in the virtual world)… many of your words and posts have often gently touched my heart and I have felt not only your sorrow but also your joy. I think you are an amazingly strong and retrospective woman. So… that’s my SHOUT!!! ~ jb///
P.S. Congratualtions on two years of blogging!

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Erik's Auntie Dee-ta said...

YOU SHOUT IT GIRL!!!

BIG HUGS,
Dawnita

3:22 PM  
Blogger Lizard Eater said...

Shout, shout, shout!

(And occasionally, howl at the moon ...)

LE

3:36 PM  
Blogger camille said...

I'm glad you're staying for a little while longer. Keeping shouting, girl! We love to hear your voice :)

4:01 PM  
Blogger Teena said...

Happy blogoversary!

5:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gua says..

HALLELUJAH

Love, Mom

7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gua says..

HALLELUJAH

Love, Mom

7:16 PM  
Blogger Kerry said...

Phew!
I would miss you terribly if I couldn't jump into your day. :)

Happy anniversary!

8:46 PM  
Blogger Believer 1964 said...

Congratulations on your blogaversary!

When I read your words "it is possible,” it made my heart smile. Bravo!

Keep shouting and sharing your story.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

So glad you are continuing to SHOUT! I want to hear every word of it. And-it helps me realize I'm not alone.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Every minute counts.... said...

I agree that you should continue to SHOUT!!! It is so comforting to go through this journey with a group of friends who understand.
Happy Anniversary!
Noel

11:57 AM  
Blogger Tes said...

Go away? I think NOT! selfishly speaking i would miss your eloquence and mr. erik quinn
Lila's mommy

2:50 PM  
Blogger Aspen said...

I, for one, am THRILLED you will be sticking around for a while longer. I know I am not the only one that thrives off of reading your words. Just knowing that you are out there...makes my heart feel full. Glad your still here...

3:14 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

PLEASE keep "shouting". I love your blog! I love reading how beautifully you put words together. and Yes, I believe in signs, angels and anything of the sort...the universe was certainly speaking to you

4:13 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

SHOUT!! as loud as you can!
Nancy you have done so much for me and many others out there.
Thankyou, so very much for shouting.
Celebration time now,
Happy blogoversary!!!
Let the Virtual margheritas be my shout ;)

4:39 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I am so happy your're staying on. I would miss you and Erik terribly!

3:12 AM  

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