Happy Father's Day

Dear Brian,

I know that being a father has not been easy so far. I know you have suffered with me in your silent way. Looking back, it is shocking but painfully clear that we have had more heartache than happiness at this point, as blessed as we are that Erik survived and enriches our lives every day. I imagine the hurt will bring us more appreciation of what will go right in the long run and that we will be happy again soon. In honor of Father’s Day, I thought about the happy times we shared during our rocky initiation into parenthood and the reasons you are a great father for Erik. Here are just some of them:

* How you too quickly humored my hormone-soaked suggestion of referring to old Louis L'Amour novels for baby names even though it was CRAZY (Jubal Sackett, for God’s sake?). I knew I made a mistake when you sprinted for the bookshelf. Brian, it was and still is a CRAZY idea. Really. But thanks for humoring me.

* All of the unplanned, inconvenient trips to the store for $25/can specialized formula, medicine, and highly embarrassing health care products, not to mention the hundreds of gallons of ice cream and the many pizzas you volunteered to buy as needed, regardless of what hour it was, for Erik in utero.

* The tiny cot you slept on for 3 days at the hospital without one complaint.

* The football games you missed the season Erik was born and thereafter.

* How you got up for me countless times to feed Erik so I could sleep.

* The timeless songs you sing in your deep voice to Erik when he is crying, like “The Ants Go Marching,” even though you don’t take requests, sometimes resort to songs from Oliver!, or make up the words when your memory fails you.

* The songs you sing that don’t exist, like “Happy Food!”

* The little voice you have given Erik so I can listen to you talking to each other in the other room about fast women, pop culture, world issues, and “Dad, this isn’t the way mom does it.”

* The hilarious expression on your face and the sounds you make when you change a stinky diaper.

* The way you take over for me when I am too tired to go on.

* The fact that you will gladly dress our son when asked, even if your selection of attire is based on how "funny" it is, not on how appropriate it is for occasion or weather.

* How your ear is trained as well as mine to hear tiny cries in the middle of the night.

* The “boy sounds” you make for Erik so much better than I ever could (explosions, flatulence, engines, sirens, etc.).

* How you will hold Erik down in the lab and comfort him with songs when they draw his blood so I don’t have to do it and cry, even though it hurts you just as much.

* The fact that you no longer jump out of perfectly good planes for fun and now drive closer to the speed limit, at least with us in the car.

* The fact that you love Erik more than life itself. It shows in the way you care for him.

I don’t know if I have ever really thanked you properly for all that you have done and continue to do for us. My wish is that we will discover great happiness in the future and be surprised at the profound joy that comes with parenthood.

Happy Father’s Day.

Love, Nancy