Hibernation

The photo above is Brian holding Erik up to ring the church bell. I can't imagine how the people trying to sleep in the surrounding neighborhood feel about the bell, but it's nearly impossible to walk by this dangling rope. It's much too tempting. Anyway, Erik's hearing continues to be very sensitive, but his spirit overrides his hyperacusis in cases like this these days. It's pretty hard to feel anything but triumphant when he pulls the thing and the joyous clanging fills the air. One more giant step forward for Erik.

It seems I'm still having great difficulty finding words lately, but they are coming to me slowly. I thought once again of hanging this up for fear of this space becoming a dippy "mommy blog," which is not what I set out to create, but I have decided to see what happens. I feel a bit lost these days. Williams syndrome and my challenges with Erik are the least of my struggles at the moment, and a lot of my writer's block comes from the shock and intensity of a couple of things that have occurred lately, neither of which I can describe on my blog for a variety of reasons. Instead, I have been very effectively shutting down my emotions, making it nearly impossible for me to continue to write, and going through the motions of each day to make it through some really tough times. I keep telling myself that this, too, shall pass, and I'll be back to myself soon. It's the first time in years I can visualize myself being truly happy. It's a goal that is just slightly out of reach at the moment. I'm not in a good place, but as long as I keep reaching, I have hope.

I spent much of the day alone yesterday working and doing a lot of little things around the house while Erik was at school and then at my parents' house. I attempted to hit the salon on my way back from school to sneak away to enjoy the feel of scalding wax on my face and perhaps a new treatment of some sort, but they were closed for another 30 minutes when I arrived, and I decided to bag it. For those of you around me, I'm not angry with you. Seriously. My eyebrows just make me appear that way. I'll get them done soon.

My neighbor has come down our dusty road each and every morning lately to join me in the workouts I have been doing faithfully for the last two years. It's the only time that feels like it's truly mine, and even Erik seems to respect that as long as I give him some extra attention when I'm through. I have always worked out alone and thought I preferred it that way, but her company has proved to be quite enjoyable, and I find myself laughing so hard I trip over my own feet quite often. There are certain movements we do with our arms that are very monkey-like, and her disturbingly realistic orangutan noises send me into hysterics, despite the fact this joke of hers is now nine weeks old. I have also ramped things up a bit and tacked on an extra 20 minutes to my daily routine, resulting in me being in the best shape of my life. Admittedly, that's not saying much, but I rarely have the headaches that used to keep me down on the couch for days at a time, and my back no longer hurts whatsoever while I am working at my computer. Generally, my sleep is also greatly improved, although last night was a complete bust. I have remained at my goal weight now for two years, and that feels good. I look back and don't recognize myself anymore for a variety of reasons.

We are planning to drive out to the fairgrounds this weekend for our local RV and boat show. My neighbor mentioned it during our sweatfest yesterday and said that Erik might enjoy looking at the ATVs, trailers, and motor homes on display, so I called a friend of mine who, as it turns out, was already planning to take her family. We're meeting for breakfast and taking all of our kids together, which I am greatly looking forward to.