Seasonal Affective Disorder
I feel a wide smile forming on my face, despite the horrible holiday ache that is setting in, and tell him that his mama is just fine. He turns his head to the side slightly and stares at me more intently, as if he doesn't believe a word, but he lets it go. He smiles politely and pushes his truck to another destination in the kitchen. As he passes, I see one of his little toes boring a hole through yet another set of PJs.
The Christmas lights create chase away the darkness of morning, and my coffee steams in the confines of its cup. My lips draw from it, and I feel it warming my insides. I will get through these strange couple of months that bring the dark things that I have worked so hard to suppress to the surface. I will get through them, just as I do each and every year, and put them away with the decorations in January. Starting a new year not knowing what is ahead has always scared me to death, even when I was alone and things were simple. It's thrilling and frightening all at the same time.
There is much to be thankful for this year. Despite the familiar holiday ache setting in.