Erik Quinn: The Heart of a Family: Gin and Thickening Skin

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Gin and Thickening Skin

Last night I attended a very casual fashion show downtown at one of our fairly classy local martini bars with one of my best friends and about six women from my old place of employment, none of whom I really knew. I sat on a velvety couch with them around a metal lamp shaped like a martini, complete with a plastic green olive as big as my head and a glowing pimento, atop a glass-covered, claw-foot bathtub for a table. I ordered some New Zealand sauvignon blanc and was just beginning to enjoy its gentle bite on my tongue when the intelligence level of our party became painfully apparent.

The young woman to my left looked out the window at her friend sitting outside at a metal bistro table and began commenting on her attire--a cute, more formal tank top situation with pink, white, and black blocks of color and a chunky necklace of large, white beads that reminded me a bit of something Wilma Flintstone would wear. As I looked around at the 20-something set, most of the girls were wearing accessories like this in various colors.

"Ohmigod! Just LOOK at her! She looks like a clown! When she wore that outfit when we went to Vegas, I told her to get out of way when I took a fucking picture! She looks like SUCH a RETARD! I mean, that outfit is just so RETARDED! I would never wear that because I would look like a RETARD!"

She used that horrible word at least three times in rapid succession, and I winced each time she said it with gusto. I kept my lips firmly pressed together unless I was allowing a trickle of wine to flow between them. I also glanced at the ceiling for the hidden camera.

Nope, no Allen Funt.

I began to think to myself that perhaps my lovely, slightly tart white wine wasn't a good choice. Perhaps I should have chosen gin after all. My mood began to cloud with swirls of surliness. This was a great reminder about why my friends are either from years ago or male with very few exceptions. The cell phone belonging to the male friend I attended the event with began humming away with catty text messages apparently regarding my presence from the young lady sitting across from me. My patience was now in extremely short supply. Thankfully, I was not bored. The model familiar with our group became progressively more intoxicated and amusingly unstable in her wedge heels with each outfit she showcased, seemingly unable to resist the call of the complimentary lemon drops from the bar, and she began touching me excessively, shaking her Davis Brand jeans-upholstered posterior in my face. I glanced at her expensive backside, smiled politely at her when she looked back over her shoulder, and ordered an additional glass of wine.


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Blogger Lisa R said...

LOL it is funny had times have changed...God I wish I was there with you!!!!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Aspen said...

My new rule of thumb, correct almost every person I come in contact with at the moment they say the "R" word. I simply say, "Nothing is RETARDED." They usually get the hint by then that it is a word that I find unacceptable and will call you out on it every single time!

Strangers sometimes even get to feel the heat from my evil eyes.

1:35 PM  
Blogger Kim, Grandma to Ava,ws said...

Ooooh, I am not in a good place right now. You tell that haughty little snot you have redneck friends in Michigan who would love to put her in her place. Like, Oh! My! Gawd!

1:53 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

Oh, babe...I'd so had my way with that little snot. That's the kind of confrontation that I completely enjoy. I wouldn't have been able to breathe until I'd seen her shed at least one tear.

I'd have to at least say something like "What a completely rude and thoughtless thing to say".

4:37 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

Yes, ladies, I was clearly in the presence of genius.

I hate to sound like a snot, but I just had to vent.

Being around those girls makes my head hurt. Remind me to avoid them at all costs.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Kerry said...

We definitely need to all gather in one place and soak our feet and fave some fattening food :)

6:01 PM  
Blogger Katie said...


I am like so totally over those superficial people right now...
i mean, like hello??

Seriously though, i am much less tolerent than i was and every single day this week i have gritted my teeth and walked passed somebody calling someone or something a Retard. I am going to explode very soon and god help those around me!

12:34 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Hey I hear you all, and I'm right there with you!! It's very disappointing(sp? sorry) had a few beers already. Full moon and PMS.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Rosemarie said...

Some folks should be banned from alcohol. They have no business being in public and consuming quantities of a liquid that alters or heightens your personality. Good grief...stay home!

9:20 PM  

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