Erik Quinn: The Heart of a Family: No More Normal for Me

Saturday, December 30, 2006

No More Normal for Me

I am fresh out of smiles today.
Sadness swells like a coffin-heavy, rain-soaked bloom
deep in the center of my chest,
the cause of which remains a mystery at the moment.

There are days when the endurance
this life of mine suddenly requires
remains in very short supply, and
my heart revs with an electric sense of panic.

I’m an absolute tangle now of what I feel
and how I probably should feel.

But I am only able to feel what comes,
as my heart seems to have a mind of its own.

I have been told that

I’m so lucky.
I’m so blessed.

Why, then, do I feel so unbelievably cursed?

My sense of normal is no longer the product
of the cookie cutter life I dreamed of long ago
as I played with the blond-haired, blue-eyed dolls
that were rarely missing anything at all.

My tears betray me because --

There is no more black and white.
There is no more innocence.
There are no more guarantees of anything at all.

I cry because now I see.

There is no more normal for me.


Blogger Michelle said...

I have no words of wisdom to offer so I won't even try. But I do have my prayers, so I will offer up those.

May the Lord who created your sweet, precious baby boy, grant you peace within your heart. With each new sunrise I pray that He gives you an unbelieveable joy to replace the sorrows from yesterday. May He give you strength to endure what each day brings, and hope for an amazing future. Amen.

3:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa R said...

When you are a famous writter I can say I know you...

...Happy New Year Nance...To a better '07 for all of us :)

Love you tons

6:05 PM  
Blogger Aspen said...

I am no where near caught up on all my reading. However, this specific post caught my eye. You always amazing me with your words and today is no different. I have missed you terribly while being away. I hope you have a great New Years day!

Love you!

4:28 PM  
Blogger Lizard Eater said...

Beautiful writing. I am crying because even though our journeys are different, I can relate. That loss of innocence. I think of the Matrix movie and relate to that jerk-y character who said if he could do it all over again, he'd choose the other pill, the one of ignorance.

9:52 PM  

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