Embraces

I went to France for the first time in the early 1990s. I remember realizing that all of the words I had mindlessly memorized during my years of French classes allowed me to communicate there. The first time I spoke this seemingly meaningless language and people understood me seemed like absolute magic. In my opinion, there is nothing more frustrating and sad than not being able to communicate with another human being and nothing better than understanding each other. Every day I repeat words over and over for Erik: duck, dog, bath, water, milk, cup, mama, dada (you get the idea). Most of the time he will repeat one sound in that word (dog = guh) and does not generally use words spontaneously. He is beginning to look toward the objects we name (book, light, fan, etc.). For the most part, though, he mimics the sound without seeming to absorb the word or its meaning. After his in-home visit yesterday, I asked the kid to give me a hug. Not only did he say "hug," he gave me one! I almost fell over. I did not teach him that word. I have talked with other WS parents. Many of us seem to be skeptical about what our kids understand, and we scrutinize their words and actions to see if the lights are on and anybody's home. It's strange, but it is almost a relief when I can prove Erik doesn't understand to those around me. Like many of us, I am still fighting that fear of being hurt/disappointed and building a wall, attributing his actions and behavior to a lucky accident or misinterpretation. I'm afraid to believe because I might be wrong. This, however, was crystal clear. When his little arms wrapped around me and I heard that word, I was suddenly 20 years old and in Paris again, feeling like I could accomplish anything without any of the fear that comes with age and experience.

Merci beaucoup, Erik. Je t'aime.